Two weeks after the girls were born we had our first (and last) home visit from the health visitor. She seemed pleased with the girls’ progress and how we were coping with twins. It was all going well until she asked the following questions:
HV: ‘Do you have any family living near by?’
Me: ‘Not really – my parents are an hour away, dh’s are two hours away and my sister lives in west London’.
HV: ‘Oh, so they aren’t helping you out then?’
Me: ‘Well, they all work so we wouldn’t expect them to. My Mum has offered to help when she can.’
HV: ‘Do you have any friends living nearby?’
Me: ‘No, not really.’
HV: ‘You don’t have any friends?’
Me: ‘No, we have lots of friends but they live all over the country and abroad’
HV: ‘I’m concerned about your lack of a local support network’
Me: ‘Err, ok’.
This information was written down on one of her many forms. She clearly wasn’t that bothered as she hasn’t actually been back to visit us. In fact, she was more concerned about the fact that the hospital hadn’t sent her any stickers with the girls’ information on to put in their red books, which meant that she had to fill them out by hand. In fact, she went on about it so much that I was tempted to offer to fill in one of the bloody books for her!
Until last week, the practice nursery nurse was popping in once a week to weigh the girls and ask the usual perfunctory questions: ‘They feeding ok?’ ‘Sleeping ok?’ ‘Producing wet nappies and poo?’ ‘How are you feeling?’ etc. Interestingly, all of the questions were directed at me, despite the fact that dh was in attendance and could have answered as well as I did. During one visit he asked about G’s nappy rash and she turned to me to talk about a solution!
My point is, why make a big deal about the fact that we don’t have any friends or family living near us and then not offer advice or help? I can attend the practice where my assigned health visitor is based on Monday mornings to get the girls weighed, but it is further away than one of their other bases and I can’t go there because apparently ‘I’m not in the catchment area’. Argh! I thought maternity and post-natal care was supposed to be about choice?!
As it stands, it is up to me to approach the health visitor if I have any problems. I’m happy to do that and I guess I should be pleased that they were satisfied with our progress enough that they don’t feel home visits are necessary any more. However, I wonder if they will suddenly re-appear at an unspecified time. It feels like they are simply box ticking. ‘Are you depressed?’ ‘No.’ ‘Good’ (ticks form). Surely if I was depressed I wouldn’t actually want to tell anyone. I fact I probably wouldn’t answer the door to them in the first place!
As it is, we’re muddling along pretty well between us. We’ve bought some super-duper electronic scales so we can weigh the girls at home and solved the persistent nappy rash with some new cream and lots of ‘naked time’ – her, not us! We’re managing ok but I’m willing to bet that lots of other mums are finding it hard and would appreciate support. I wonder what happens to them?