R and G started the settling-in process at nursery yesterday. It was fairly straightforward. They spent an hour there, accompanied by us and we talked their key workers through their routine. I’m pleased that they have been given different carers because I was concerned that one person might mix them up. Sounds daft, I know.
The first session went pretty well. G seemed a little unsure to start with but once she had received sufficient attention and cuddles she was fine. She occasionally looked a little upset when one of the other babies cried but soon got over it. G managed to charm all of the carers and they were fighting over who got to cuddle her next. As we left she gave Zara a huge gooey smile. Honestly, she could charm the birds out of the trees, that one.
R took to her carer immediately and we felt surplus to requirements as she sat on Katie’s lap, playing with lots of new, interesting toys and surrounded by other babies. She looked like she had been there for years. However, this wasn’t to last. The hour coincided with their normal afternoon nap time and R is a stickler for her routine. It takes a lot for her to lose it but once she does, she is virtually inconsolable. About 45 minutes into the session R started to look annoyed, 50 minutes in and we were all subjected to a stage 6 mega grump. Katie used all of her training to try and console her but R clearly wanted to test her out. In the end, I managed to calm her down and we decided to take our leave.
They go in for another session – where we actually leave them there for an hour – on Thursday.
At (just over) four months old, R and G are the youngest babies there by a good 3 or 4 months. I couldn’t get over how tiny they looked in comparison to the other babies. As I looked at the other babies crawling and toddling around, I felt a huge pang of guilt. Am I abandoning my babies to selfishly carry on with my career?
Well, not really. They are only going to nursery two days a week to start with and for three days from July so they will still spend more time with us. They are going to get opportunities there that I wouldn’t be able to provide them with at home, e.g. really messy play. They are going to be interacting with other children from a very young age, which will stand them in good stead at school and will hopefully mean they won’t be reliant on each other. I get to have a little bit of my old life back and still get to spend quality time with them. Also, we would find it hard to manage on dh’s salary and I don’t want to have to pay back the money that my employer has paid out (more than the statutory amount) while I’ve been on maternity leave, principled thing that I am.
Over the last few months I’ve realised that I’m simply not cut out to be a stay-at-home mum. I admire anyone that does, but I know that I would end up resenting the girls if I did and that isn’t healthy for any of us. The fact is I like my job. It was a newly created post when I started and I’ve built it up from nothing and am proud of my achievements.
My employer has agreed to my flexible working request so I’ll be working at home on the days that the girls aren’t at nursery. With places at a premium in this area we struggled to get them in anywhere so they are coming into work with me and attending the on-site nursery. From May until they end of June I will be working at home on Monday and Tuesday, taking annual leave on Wednesday and going into the office (and taking the girls to nursery) on Thursday and Friday. From July I will be going into the office on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday (with the girls changing nursery days to follow) and working at home on Wednesday and Friday. Dh will be looking after the girls around his shifts on my working at home days.
I actually return to work on Monday (21st) – dh has taken two weeks off so he can look after the girls while I go in full-time to get me back up to speed. We start the mad schedule outlined above in May.
However, there are changes afoot at work. A decision is being made about whether my department will exist after July and in this climate I’m worried it won’t. I’m on a contract (I’m based at one organisation but provide a service for another) which ends in July and the people in charge may decide to pull the plug. Having spoken to people at work, I’m not sure how things are going to go.
I’ve just looked down at my word count and noticed that I’ve committed over 20,000 words to this journal since I started writing in January (I write the entries in a word file and paste them into the blog). If my job doesn’t work out, can’t I just get paid to write this instead?