Back in February, in an effort to get the girls and I out of the house we started going to the local twins club. I thought it would be a good way to meet other parents of multiples and would get the girls used to other children before they started nursery.
We’ve been pretty much every week since, save for a couple of times just after Easter but I’m not planning on going back. Partly this is due to the fact that I’ll be at work and for the next couple of months Friday will be a nursery day but also it’s because I’m tired of making the effort and getting nothing out of it.
Elsewhere I’ve said that we live in a fairly affluent area (on the edge of it anyway) and the twins club reflects the local demographic. Don’t get me wrong, the people that go are perfectly nice and polite but it is incredibly cliquey and if you’re face doesn’t fit then you’ve got no chance.
I don’t think I could have made more of an effort than I have. Every week I’ve dress the girls up, feed them beforehand so they are nice and contented and take them along. I enjoyed it to start with as R and G were the youngest babies there by some months and I started going when they were 8 weeks old so we were a novelty. However, after the first session I’ve found it harder to make connections with people.
Quite a few of the mums go along with the children’s nanny. They are always surprised that we don’t have ‘help’ with the girls. ‘Not even a doula?!’ someone shrieked at me once. Er, no. We live in a place called THE REAL WORLD, love. I’m fairly sure I’m not in a minority here but we seem to be round here.
There is quite a competitive element to it. For example, I’m always asked if I breastfed the girls. This appears to be a cue for those that were successful in doing so to boast about their achievement. The first week I went, someone asked me how the girls slept. I truthfully said that they went 7 hours at night. The other mother expressed her surprise and said that hers were 7 months old and still woke several times in the night. She asked me how I fed them, I told her they had formula and she said ‘There you go then’. Now if I’m asked, I always just say that they sleep well but don’t elaborate.
If a new person comes along, this is a cue for everyone to exchange pregnancy and birth tales. One woman yesterday was boasting about how wonderful her pregnancy was, how near to term she went and how big her boys were. It transpired that she went to 38 weeks. I, hackles already raised by other comments (did you know that weaning is a wonderful journey?!) said ‘Well, I went to 39 weeks’. She asked me how big they were so I reeled off the girls’ birth weights. I asked how big her boys were and she said they were similar to mine. I know pregnancy and birth isn’t a competition but sometimes you have to resort to childish tactics.
I thought we had made a breakthrough when we were invited round to someone’s house for the afternoon. Whenever I’m invited somewhere I always take along a tub of M&S chocolate bites or flapjacks and they tend to go down well. I took along my tub of flapjacks, handed them over and was told to take them back with me as someone had bought along home-made cakes. The rebuff was done very nicely and the cake was delicious but I felt about three centimetres high. I was grateful that R kicked off after about an hour so I could make our excuses and leave.
I thought I was being a bit paranoid so dh came along to playgroup with us a couple of times. Beforehand, he was really excited at the prospect of going to a playgroup full of twins but I think he was quite disappointed. He tends to be positive about most experiences but also found it really hard-going.
To cap it all, we have to write our names in the register and pay £3, which I diligently do as soon as I enter the room. After the nursery rhymes yesterday an announcement was made that someone hadn’t signed in. EVERYONE turned to look at me. I couldn’t believe it! As I was putting the girls into their buggy someone else came up to me and said that for future reference I needed to take my used nappies with me when I went. In all the time I’ve been going I haven’t changed a bloody nappy there as we only live round the corner, which I took great pleasure in telling her.
So there you go. I’ve had it with twin club. I really wanted to enjoy it and for the girls to meet other multiples but I’m not putting up with it any more. The snobbery there is unbearable and I’ve had enough. We shouldn’t feel inferior to anyone. We’re both educated, intelligent people from decent hard-working families. We’ve got a wide range of friends from a mix of backgrounds and normally fit in to any given situation. However, they make me feel like a fish out of water.
Sadly, (or perhaps fortunately) I think their attitude could be the undoing of the group. 56 sets of twins were born at the hospital at which I gave birth in 2006. The catchment area for the twins club covers two, perhaps three hospitals so you’re looking at over 100 sets of multiples born every year that could potentially go to twins club. However, every time I go I’ve seen the same dozen or so people and their offspring. Many of the twins that go are approaching school age so won’t be attending playgroup for much longer.
It is a shame that it isn’t more inclusive as I think it is good for twins to have a place where they feel ‘normal’ but to be honest I don’t think R and G are that fussed anyway. They will get far more out of nursery than we got from twins club. Still, it’s all fodder for my (unwritten) novel, isn’t it?