1. Nappies. You can never have enough. Ditto wipes, cream, bodysuits, sleepsuits, bibs, milk and bottles.
2. Breastfeeding. It hurts more than you can ever imagine. I only managed to bf and express for a total of five weeks. A friend of mine has been bf-ing for six months. I think she’s amazing.
3. Teething. They may have all the symptoms but it doesn’t mean that they’ll get any teeth. For ages. Can you tell I’m bitter about this?
4. They work as a tag team. Just when you’ve settled one, the other one starts. Just when you think you’ve figured out their personalities, they will do something completely surprising.
5. The feeling of never having enough arms/hands
6. The amount of washing you’ll do – we do two (sometimes three) loads a day.
7. Crying. I swear they mimic each other. During the evening there will be a noise on the monitor and I’ll mutter something rude about G, go up to settle her and she’ll be asleep and it’s actually R making the racket.
8. Toys. They always, always want the one that the other one is playing with.
9. Illness. When they are ill and you’re on your own, you don’t know which baby to pick up first.
10. Cuddles. Perfecting the double cuddle scooping motion is a must.
11. Skills. They master different things at different times.
12. Multi-tasking. You don’t have to think one step ahead. You have to think five steps ahead and three moves beyond that. You have to envisage every possible outcome and scenario of any given situation.
13. Going out (or the preparations for doing so) has to be planned and conducted like a military operation.
14. How spectacularly crap health visitors are
15. The level of interest in your babies from strangers. The amount of time you’ll have to explain to someone that the little girls in pink dresses with pink cardigans sitting in the buggy AREN’T BOYS!!!
16. The amount of times you’ll hear the phrase ‘Double trouble!’. The urge to smack the person saying it doesn’t recede no matter how many times you’ve heard it that day.
17. That all the offers to babysit are magically forgotten or withdrawn when faced with the reality of looking after two babies at once.
18. The amount of times you’ll look at them and think ‘Bloody hell! We created them. They lived in me. How did we manage that?!’