Despite reassurances from everyone, I’ve always felt that I have a more natural bond with R than with G. I can’t really explain why. It’s just a gut feeling. I don’t know whether it’s because I saw R first when the girls were born or because I was able to successfully breastfeed her or simply that our personalities are more compatible but on a deeper emotional level I feel we ‘get’ each other.
It’s hard to admit this but I’ve always found G harder work. When she was smaller, she was somehow ‘needier’ and because I wasn’t exactly on tip-top form after I gave birth (funnily enough – who is, though?), dh tended to deal with her while I tended to R. Dh and G have an incredibly strong bond now, to the point where she babbles ‘dadada’ and he can make her laugh just by entering the room.
G hasn’t ever had significantly different needs from her sister. Apart from a spell of nappy rash, having more delicate skin, more difficult to wind in the early days and being slightly smaller than her sister at birth (she is now the larger baby by a margin), she has been a well baby. It just feels like she makes more of a fuss about hungriness, tiredness, illness, etc. She certainly cries more and loves attention from anyone and everyone. G is certainly the consistently louder baby of the two. She also perfected a ‘wailing without shedding tears’ technique which serves her well in terms of extra attention from everyone but me.
G has also formed an extremely strong attachment with her key worker at nursery and apparently goes mad if Cheryl leaves the room or plays with another of her charges. The other nursery nurses have commented that they will talk to G and she’ll just stare at them. Cheryl will do exactly the same thing and G will burst into fits of laughter.
When I drop the girls off at nursery, R always looks up at me and smiles. G scans the room to see if Cheryl is there or not. When I pick them up in the afternoon, R is full of smiles and giggles for me and babbles away about her day. G invariably looks at me, looks at Cheryl and has a little wail. In my head, I flash forward 15 years and see her doing the same thing when I pick her up from a party at a time she deems to be unacceptable.
G has always smiled more readily at strangers. When we get stopped in the street, G will always beam up at the person whereas R has to suss people out and often looks to me as if she needs my approval before she smiles at an unfamiliar face. As a result, G tends to get more attention and fuss. I get concerned for R because I don’t want her to fade into the background.
Anyway, I have been trying to spend more one-on-one time with G of late and I feel it is having an effect. She is definitely the cuddlier baby of the two. R tolerates cuddles but G seeks them out. G is a little chatterbox and loves it when I imitate her babbles. I am trying to encourage her to wave hello and goodbye and she’s vaguely getting the idea. G now smiles at me when I look in her cot in the morning whereas before she didn’t care who picked her up.
It’s all a work in progress, like everything in parenting, but I finally feel that G and I are forming a strong bond with each other. The early signs indicate that she may be harder work than her sister in terms of a need for attention and reassurance but I’m finding that the more I put in with G, the more I get back from her. I’ll always have a deep connection with R but the attachment I’m forming with G is incredibly rewarding.