So, I went to see my GP on Friday and wasn't given the usual SAD, depressed in January diagnosis. I told her everything that was going on and she asked me some questions. It turns out that I have a mild case of depression (PND wasn't mentioned at any stage - I wouldn't define it as that) because I'm definitely not right but I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I just feel very frustrated, very angry and I don't want to carry on feeling like this.

My GP suggested that I try counselling so she's referred me to the local NHS service. It'll probably take ages to get an appointment but at least there is something in the pipeline. She said that I could have tablets if I wanted, but I decided against that option at this stage.

I have really enjoyed being at home the last few days but am going into work tomorrow. I have a couple of meetings to attend but other than that, I'll just see how it goes. I'm planning to take a week off in February so if I can get through to then, I'll be happy.

On some level I feel like a failure because I should be able to cope with everything and I can't. I don't see my current state as a long-term one. It's just a hurdle that I need to overcome. For now, I'm just going to keep swimming and hopefully, eventually, things will get better.